Anatomy of a Type 4: The Search for Identity & Significance
Fours are deeply introspective and creative. They have a rich inner life that is complex, yet fascinating and beautiful. As you’ll see, the length of this post reflects a Fours’ need to explain themselves. While it’s a bit longer than usual, I think you’ll enjoy getting a very descriptive glimpse of the Fours’ inner world.
Today I’m continuing the exploration of the Enneagram with my Type Four friends, Alex Johnston and Glenna Marshall. Alex is a talented songwriter and musician and Glenna is a fellow writer who is working on her first book to be published next year.
If you’re new around here and/or new to the Enneagram, check out the overview of the Enneagram here. You’ll also find links for other Enneagram Types.
A quick note: The books I reference below include affiliate links. If you purchase a product through my links, I will receive a small percentage of the profit at no extra cost to you. For more details, click here.
Let’s dig in.
Defining Characteristics of a Type Four
Fours are the creative mystics of the Enneagram. They have a rich inner life that springs from a longing to understand who they are and what they bring to the world. Fours also long to be understood by others. But rather than attempt to explain themselves directly, they often convey themselves through some sort of creative work. While many Fours are artists, they are not all necessarily artists, though still have a creative side that comes out in order to express themselves in some way.
Fours often feel different from anybody else and often have the sense that “something is missing” within them. For this reason they tend to focus on what’s missing in external situations. They also struggle with envy of others because they feel that others have something that they don’t.
Because of this feeling of missing something, Fours tend to live in their emotions. They are well acquainted and even comfortable with sadness, melancholy, and grief. Their emotions can fluctuate multiple times within a day, sometimes causing others to feel they are riding a roller coaster. But this moodiness is business as usual for a Four and they feel that to live otherwise would be inauthentic. According to Richard Rohr,
Fours have to be depressed and suffer from time to time in order to be happy.
On the bright side of their emotionalism and moodiness, Fours can be extremely empathetic and great counselors for those going through grief and loss because Fours don’t try to fix or talk people out of their emotions.
However, Fours need to learn to rise above their emotions and hang on to objectivity and clear-headedness in order to grow. While their emotions are strong and valid, they must not let themselves be ruled by them if they want to become healthy. When Fours are healthy, they offer both their empathy and their emotional strength as a gift to the world.
Core Desire: To be special, and unique. To find their identity and significance.
Basic Fear: Of being different, misunderstood, of having no identity or significance
Driving Motivation: Just like Twos and Threes, Fours are primarily driven by a hidden shame. For them, their shame leads them on a search for “the holy grail” to find what is missing in them and to express their identity as authentically as they can. According to Beatrice Chestnut in The Complete Enneagram,
Type Fours’ cognitive mistake centers on the underlying belief that they are lacking in some important quality that would make them worthy of love.
Main struggles: Emotional volatility, envy.
Key traits: Highly sensitive and introspective, with a natural eye for beauty. Fours are always looking for meaning and significance. They offer their art to the world as a way of offering themselves. They often have a low self-image and have a tendency to play push-pull games in relationships.
Avoids: Mediocrity, ordinariness, being just like everyone else.
Blind Spots: What is good or hopeful in themselves or in a situation.
Life Question: “What do you think of me? Do you notice me?”
Gifts to the world: Naturally emotionally intuitive, they have the ability to express the full rainbow of human emotion in a way that touches people. Rohr says of Fours,
a purified Four is capable of transforming the negative and experiences of loss into something beautiful and universally valid.
Invitation to growth: To find balance and discipline for their emotional lives and to see the good that is there inside of themselves instead of continually focusing on what’s missing. According to Rohr,
Among the life tasks of Fours is to develop a healthy realism and direct their longing toward reachable goals. Fours have to work at seeing that their attention remains in the present and doesn’t continually digress into the past or future. Fours must find their energy without constantly slipping from one extreme into the other, without being up one minute and down the next. It must not always be euphoria or depression…
Chestnut adds,
Ultimately, as Fours work on themselves and become more self-aware, they learn to escape the trap of seeking – but blocking – love to prove their worth by seeing what is good in themselves and not just what’s missing; taking the risk to believe in their own lovability; and opening up to receive the love and understanding they long for.
From the Source: Being a Type 4
To better understand the inner life of a Type Four, I asked my friends, Alex and Glenna to share their experience as a Four and how they are using the Enneagram as a tool for growth in their lives.
Describe how being a type 4 is for you.
Glenna:
I think the biggest component of identifying as a 4 comes across in my desire to be understood in the way I understand myself. I often feel that I am largely different from others, that I think differently, express myself differently, and work differently. While I’m confident in who I am and I’m okay with my introspection, I do fear being misunderstood by others. However, that’s something I am willing to risk if it means I can lean into the strengths of being a 4, which is the innate creativity many 4’s come by naturally.
Alex:
Being a Four is not for the faint of heart, but I like it. I am very introspective and like exploring difficult existential questions about myself, and my place in this big world. My idea of a good time is nowhere to be, nothing to do, a cup of coffee, an empty journal, and a big question to explore like, “What’s up with suffering and beauty?” Exploring these thoughts and having these conversations leads me to very different places that give me different views, and that make me feel all sorts of emotions that are sometimes difficult to communicate.
The depth of emotion I can feel in certain experiences can feel very elevated and complex. This can be very challenging to share or even communicate. When all those things add up, I feel like a volcano with nowhere to explode. I feel there is no one who will truly understand, which makes it a little challenging to form deep relationships, because sharing these things and being understood is very important to me. This is even more challenging because most of the time I don’t even fully understand these emotions or thoughts myself.
All these things can make me feel lonely or misunderstood sometimes, especially in groups, but I’ve learned that I don’t place that blame on others or even myself. I acknowledge that it’s a part of me that I ought to work on in order to truly connect with others. Even in that struggle, I’ve actually grown to enjoy it. It is a strange and quirky part of who I am. I’ve also learned to not feel the need to explain all these emotions but simply be mindful of them and observe them graciously.
How did you come to know about the Enneagram?
Alex:
I heard about the Enneagram from one of my favorite songwriters, Sleeping At Last. He’s currently making songs for each of the Enneagram types. I’ve always been skeptical of personality tests because I never feel like they fully describe me and I don’t like to be put in a box, which makes sense for me as a Four who just wants to be special and have significance.
Glenna:
Being an avid reader and writer, I find that the Enneagram discussion abounds in the world of readers and writers. That’s where I heard about it.
How did you know you were a type 4?
Alex:
I am a Four with a Five wing, and when I took the test on several different sites I always got near even scores for both Four and Five. But unlike the Five, I am actually quite comfortable with the idea of never knowing enough and I doubt I will ever be an expert on anything. But I have always resonated with the “romantic” aspects of the Four. As a musician, this side of the Four rings so true in me. I envy other artists. In my worst hours, I can definitely get hung up on what I have not created or who I am not.
Glenna:
I took an Enneagram test—twice actually, months apart. I tested strongly 4 both times, and when I read the descriptions, I couldn’t argue with it at all. I could see myself plainly in the description of a 4.
What bothers you most about being a type 4?
Alex:
I am highly critical of myself, to the point of it wasting too much precious time and energy. As a songwriter, a constant struggle is to write something more compelling, and unique than I have before, something that is the best expression of myself. This lofty goal may seem admirable, but I’ve also recognized it’s pretty egotistical in that it’s an endless chase just to pat myself on the back, all while beating myself up on the way there. So to combat this overly critical nature, what I’ve been working on a lot is practicing non-attachment. I try to write things I am not proud of at all. I put my all into it, but let it go very easily. By the time I’m done, I realize that all this work was to get me to a place where I see things even more clearly and experience an even deeper emotion. Channeling my critical nature into intentional exploration has been very fulfilling to me as a Four.
Glenna:
I honestly don’t mind being a 4. I am aware of some of the weaknesses as they are similar to the weaknesses I see in my Meyers-Briggs type (INFJ). I have to fight being overly cynical, and I have to be careful about internalizing other people’s problems. It can trigger anxiety and chronic negativity for me.
What do you enjoy most about being a type 4?
Glenna:
I am thankful to have the well of creativity that 4’s can freely draw from. I also don’t mind having a bit of my personality that’s maybe not so easily pinned down or understood by others. While I don’t want to be misunderstood, I also enjoy an aura of mystery.
Alex:
I have always enjoyed introspection. I love deep conversations and exploring existential ideas and feelings with others. Living in the northwest I love the gray skies; to me it’s representative of life’s journey.
For Fours, our basic fear is having no identity, becoming mediocre, and having no significance. I’m not saying I’ve arrived anywhere or that I’ve got clarity all the time. If I am honest, more times than less I’d say I’m pretty unclear and can’t give a consistent answer to who I am or where I am going. But when I slow down, I am alright with that. I realize that even the mediocre is significant, that even the mess of my identity is beautiful, and that whoever and however and why-ever I am, it is a special something to own, to be proud of, to love, and to give back as a gift to the world.
How do you see your Four-ness affecting your closest relationships? Marriage? Kids? Friendships, etc.
Glenna:
One of my weaknesses as a 4 is to internalize the problems of others which can negatively impact how well I listen to others and focus on them. Instead I have a tendency in these situations to rather personalize and think about how their problems affect me. On the flip side of that, though, is a gift for empathizing with others.
Alex:
I have a tendency to isolate myself in order explore and express my emotions, usually through music and songwriting. I can get intensely focused in this, so it can be difficult being present with others, as this exploration and expression is the utmost priority for me. I might go on radio silence for some time. Most of my friends are those who are familiar with the way I am so they are used to the distance at times.
They also know that I am the person to go to if empathy/listening is needed or a big question needs to be explored. I am thankful for my friends who understand me and I’m glad to be able to be there for them in this way. Relationships that can function in this way for me are really the only ones I feel like I have the energy for. Ironically, a shallow relationship that doesn’t take much energy for others, takes a LOT of energy for me.
My wife Emily knows and understands me best. She has learned, ever so patiently and graciously, when I need to process or vent some emotion or idea. She has also learned when to give me space explore my feelings on my own. I have learned when it is not a good time to ask her prying questions about the deepest darkest corners of her soul. As a Four, respecting others personal bank of time and energy is very important to acknowledge since we have a weird ability to deal with these types of conversations at a larger level.
In what ways has the Enneagram been a useful tool for growth in your life?
Alex:
The Enneagram has been a useful tool for growth in my life by helping me laugh at myself more. It’s shined a light on the parts of myself that are self-absorbed and made me say, “Really?! This is such a big deal?!” Once I acknowledge these dramatic responses, I can laugh at them, acknowledge them, and move on. Sometimes it’s not laughing at them though, sometimes it looks like weeping and empathizing with them.
Fours can very easily get caught up identifying with their feelings. As an artist I feel like I am what I create, but I am so much more than that. And if I make something that’s not as great as I thought (or worse, if I’m not making anything at all) I have learned that my productivity or expression does not define who I am. I just am, and whatever I am is special, and good enough. I am on a journey, and I don’t know where it’s taking me but I have begun to feel at home with that.
In what ways do you see your type reflected in your childhood?
Glenna:
I was an incredibly introverted and introspective child. I wrote voraciously in journals from the time I learned to write, and my diaries are full of introspective thoughts and decisions that I made based upon emotions and self-evaluation. I constantly felt misunderstood as a person, and I struggled with poor self-esteem. However, once I began to follow the Lord in earnest, I see a more redeemed version of a 4 take over my journal entries, and I hope that is still the case for all the introspective writing that happens on a regular basis today.
My thanks to Glenna and Alex for giving us a taste of just how deep the Four well goes.
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