The Bumpy Road of Life
The Fantasy: my younger, 18-year-old, idealistic self imagined a wide one lane highway stretched out to the horizon, with clearly marked milestones along the way.
Instead, my life has turned out more like this:
- Decide that I don’t want to do anything related to my bachelor’s degree and take a job out of college in a different field. Sharp left turn.
- Decide half way through grad school in that new field that this is not it either. U-turn.
- Marry a man who is an adventurer and a dreamer. Take the scenic route.
- Have my first child. The car goes out of control and spins off the side of the highway into a ditch. I’m not hurt, but the car is totaled and my head is spinning. (I actually experienced a real car accident like this.)
- We move to a new state for a new job. We aren’t in Kansas, I mean California, anymore, Toto.
Maybe this is just my life. But maybe it’s yours too. It’s not cut and dry. There are so many twists and turns, dead ends and forks in the road. For me, a lot of these twists have come because I’m still discovering myself.
An Inner Journey
The pastor who officiated my wedding ceremony understood this winding journey and chose Abraham’s story for the wedding sermon. As the story goes, God called Abraham to leave his father’s country and go to the land he would be shown. And so Abraham went, “even though he didn’t know where he was going”.
The story could not have been more relevant for the journey my husband and I were about to take. In our seven years of marriage we have moved 6 times and changed jobs 9 times between the two of us, wondering where we belong in the world.
What I’ve learned is that external wanderings often reflect a deep, inner longing not uncommon to the rest of the human race. We want to know who we are. Where we belong. What is our true identity?
For my husband and I, this longing has manifested as a search for the “right” vocation. But it can also show up in tumultuous relationships, or even in religious or non-religious choices.
As we try on new things, we learn bits about who we are, and maybe a lot about who we are not. It feels frustrating at times. It can feel like running in circles. And sometimes it devastatingly feels like failure. Ask me how I know. But if we pay attention as we move forward, we can discover more and more pieces of who we really are and we start to delight and engage in who God has created us to be. I know this because I have tasted it.
Come walk with me.
With all the social media platforms out there, it can often feel like we are the only ones that don’t have things figured out. But the secret is, a lot of us don’t, and I would venture to say, that none of us did at some point. We all must go through a journey of discovering who we are and learn to live from an authentic place. Because not many people are very open with this struggle, it can feel lonely. To have a companion on this journey can make all the difference.
I would love to walk with you. In this blog, I share a piece of my own journey of self-discovery and how I’m finding my soul, even in the mess of motherhood. I invite you to join me on this road of self-discovery. To know your true self, your child of God self. As we discover who God created each of us to be, and climb out from under the fear and control, shame and guilt, we will come more and more alive and enjoy life in increasing abundance.
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